Get your hands off me you damn dirty apes!!

This is going to be my last election post until the next one in 6 months.

Rondo Thomas is the reason why I crusaded against the election of the Conservative Party in the last election. He, and about 100%..ish of the party is the ultra-right-wing-kill-all-the-brownies-put-the-heathens-into-camps-super-conservatives who carry so much hate in them, you would think they were pure evil instead of the men of god that they are. Okay, we all know religion is a complete joke, and if you think any different, you are going to your respective hell. I am not saying that you are wrong, just that I am always right and if you views differ from mine......well you get the idea without me having to say it. If you don't believe that religion is fake, just look at the church. The Catholic church has abolished purgatory from all books, as it was too difficult to explain to people and it forces you to take sides. Now if a religion can change the rules on the fly, you got to ask the question of it's legitimacy.

Okay, went on a bit of a tangent there but my original point was this........wait........OH FUCK, I FORGOT WHAT IT WAS.......Oh yeah, now I remember, these people want to take their minority views and impose them on the majority of people. For example, remove the rights of gays and lesbians, remove the rights of women to have an abortion, bring back the death penalty (it wasn't in their platform, but you all know it's coming) and give large tax breaks to the richest 10% of the population. Well, the Conservatives said that their tax cuts are non-negotiable, so you all know what that means...ELECTION IN 6 MONTHS!! YAY!!! Saying that their tax cuts are non-negotiable in a minority government where every other party is against said cuts means we are back to the booths after their first budget.

Where's the Beef?

I was watching this new fangled magic picture box called a TV today and this thing called a "commercial" came on. This one was a very odd one and made me very angry but I couldn't place where my anger should be focused on. The commercial in question is the new Wendy's commercial where a guy goes up to the counter, wants to order a hamburger but he is unable to because it is fishburger day. They get into an argument, and I die a little inside.

First of all, HOW FUCKING DUMB ARE YOU THAT YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT THE CONCEPT OF A DAILY SPECIAL!!!! I mean really, the current day dictates what is on sale. If it is day "x" then you get product "x" cheaper. If you don't want that special, ORDER SOMETHING ELSE!!! You have to pay more, but that is the concept of a sale. If it was supposed to be that price every day, THEN IT'S NOT A FUCKING SALE!!! I personally want everyone who reads this blog, and lives in a city that has a Wendy's, to go there, order a 3/4lb bacon double cheeseburger, and demand that they sell it to you for 99 cents because their commercial said so.

Whatchu Talkin' About Harper??

Well everyone, it's time to put the final dagger into the Harper campaign by recapping everything that the Cons stand for.

Corruption:
The Cons will not stand idly by and let the Liberals get the upper hand in the corruption market. If they get elected, they will make everyone forget about the small amount of corruption that they did by creating a whole new, dark, evil corruption that will cause the apocalypse and end the world.

Budget:
The Cons will cut all of the social spending and give all of the money to the richest people in the country so they can buy a new ivory backscratcher.

Human Rights:
The Cons will remove all human rights from everyone and force them to work for the major companies as slaves without any protection from the environment and control breeding so they only breed the largest, dumbest people to keep their iron rule. They will also put every non-christian into camps to keep them away from the "pure" people and cause several "accidents" to weed out the population

Environment:
The Cons will chop down all the trees, remove all environmental controls on business, sell all our oil and water to the US and stand on top of parliament hill with CFC aerosol cans and spray them upwards just for good measure.

Foreign Policy:
The Cons will sell Canada to the US for beads and blankets filled with small pox. The small pox will not do anything as it has been immunized in Canada, but in a few years, all new children will be killed as they have not been immunized. They will also tell every country that does not believe in christianity that they are all heathens and they will all die by the hand of god. This will cause a backlash from every other religion and everyone will nuke Canada, thus leaving it a smoldering ruin.

Crime:
The Cons will implement the one strike and you're dead policy, which is quite self-explanatory. If you commit any crime, you get hanged. Now you might say that capital punishment is illegal, but when you rule, you make the rules.

Native Rights:
Standard Con job that they used for the last 139 years.

Employment:
If you want a job, you must move to Alberta, the oil reserves will last forever.

Quebec:
Ship all French speaking Canadians to France, cause boat "accident", problem solved.

Immigration:
Allow anyone with money to come in, take the money of all the non-white christians, and send rest to camps.

Now, one or two of these may be an exaggeration, but I don't live in the past so I won't read them again and correct them. The message from me is this, unless you are an extreme right-wing white male christian, vote Liberal or else you will die a horrible, painful death.

I'm a Slave for You??

Before I begin, I would first like to congratulate one person who, in my humble opinion, has taken the Conservative party down in the polls with his intelligent, well thought out reporting on his web log or "blog" as he calls it. (I personally think that the term he created won't catch on but he insists it will) This person is.....ME! Yes, I personally have taken down the Conservatives "Jomentum" (Also my term) with my stellar journalistic integrity... and rugged good looks. Lets all take a minute to thank me for putting a dent in their shiny baby/puppy armour that they wrap themselves in to protect themselves from the non-believers, by sending me lots of money so I can stay at home and do this all the time, and buy Candy...and I am not talking about the food.

Today I am going to talk about the Conservatives pledge to limit the rights of Canadians. Without even talking about a vote for Conservatives equals a vote for the republicans, the Conservatives have pledged in both press conferences and in their blue book that they will repeal the rights of Gays and Lesbians to marry. The ability of Gays and Lesbians to marry is their Constitutional Right and is also their right as human beings to do so. There are a lot of people who say that they are against their Gay and Lesbian "friends" marrying because the definition of marriage in between a man and a woman. These people are simply Anti-Gay hate mongers. You don't like it, too freakin' bad 'cause you are...bitches. Allowing Gays and Lesbians to marry is just like allowing women to have abortions, vote, own property, be considered as a person, allowing black people to go to public schools, ride on the front of the bus, use any public toilets and water fountains, vote, own property, or the right not to be property. The Conservatives will eliminate the right for Gays and Lesbians to marry, he will eliminate the right for a woman to choose if they have an abortion, and I believe that they won't stop there. The majority of women do not vote Conservative, so why not eliminate their right to vote, and if they got a problem with that, well they can just go back to the kitchen where they belong, and if they talk back, bring back the "rule of thumb". On an economic side, any company would benefit from free labour, and if you just strip away some human rights, profit margins will rise. Harper is pro-business as seen in his platforms, so in order to help out the CEO's a little more, just eliminate their highest controllable expense.

Reaganomics!?!

If anyone wondered what trickle-down economics was, this picture should help out quite a bit. Trickle-down economics, a term brought about by the late President Ronald Reagan's economic policies in the 80's is where the rich stand on a mountain of money and pee on everyone who are beneath them. The Conservatives are setting up their economic policies in a similar fashion to this as well with all of their tax cuts for the richest people in Canada. The biggest problem, well not the biggest but at least one problem, is Canada does not have the moral void that America has. Americans, for the most part, and for the most part I mean Republicans, would gladly sell their own first born child to add another wing to their mansion. (By child I mean female child, male children are almost too valuable to them to sell) Canada has compassion for others and for that reason I believe that the Liberals will win a minority government on the next election. Well, that and the fact that the Conservatives are grabbing Bloc votes in Quebec which will let the Liberals win a few more seats and my groundbreaking reporting which has already cost the Conservatives their support from their own independent economist. If that doesn't work, I will spearhead the lap dances for votes campaign to get the Liberals a couple of extra votes needed to win by using actual Liberal MP's to do the dances. Hey, if the Conservatives keep on talking about "strippergate" then we might as well just use it as free advertising.

Money Talks!

Today boys and girls, and furbys that are just beginning to learn, we are going to talk about the Conservative budget. Now, before you fall asleep, I am going to make it fun and exciting....Seriously....well no, I will just make it kinda cutesy. Part one of this section will be GST cuts.

The plan
A Conservative government will:
• Reduce the GST by one point right away, to six percent. And we will reduce the GST by another point, to five percent, over five years. The GST affects everyone – families, seniors, and young people just getting started in life. Cutting the GST will help everyone deal with the rising cost of living, put money in people’s pockets, and spur the economy immediately.
• Maintain the GST/HST credit in the federal personal income tax.
• Eliminate the capital gains tax for individuals on the sale of assets when the proceeds are reinvested within six months. Canadians who invest, or inherit cottages or family heirlooms, should be able to sell those assets and plough their profits back into the economy without taking a tax hit. It is time government rewarded Canadians who reinvest their money and create jobs.
(Source: The Conservative 2006 election platform)

First of all, the Conservatives put it under Opportunity in their book, not Families which should be a first indication of the fact that this won't help them. Now to the cutesy;

Little Bunny Jim Bob is an honest working bunny who can barely make ends meet. Most of his money goes to buying carrots at his local Try-and-Save but every so often he can scrape up enough money to buy shiny things from The Source by Circuit City, like an iPod. Now the iPod costs 300 Magic Fairy Fun Discs but the Elder Bunnies make him pay 7% more so they can pay for things like health care and Debt that the previous Elder Bunnies inflated. Then, the previous Elders introduced it mop up some of the hemorrhaging that was done from their over-spending. Anyways, a new elder who thinks that Magic Fairy World is only 3000 years old and Mr. Sun revolves around Magic Fairy World even though all the smart bunnies have already disproved that theory wants to cut that 7% down to 6% and then in 5 years, cut it down to 5%. Now Little Bunny Jim Bob doesn't have to pay that 7% on his carrots that he needs but does have to pay it on his iPod. Now, if the new elder gets his way, it will take him longer to earn that iPod, but when he eventually is able to get it, after he cuts back on the carrots he needs to keep his coat shiny and to keep his vision super great, he will only have to pay 18 extra Magic Fairy Fun Discs right now but since he will be having to wait longer, he will only have to pay 15 extra Magic Fairy Fun Discs. Now, the current Elder Bunnies want to give him more Fun Discs by not taking as much of them right away so he would have more Fun Discs and would be able to afford both his carrots and his iPod sooner, and would also be able to get a sweet case so the back of it won't be scratched.

There, I managed to explain the differences between Liberal and Conservative tax cuts that are supposed to help the lower class people with bunnies. I have now become the first person to explain the difference between regressive and progressive tax cuts by using cute little bunnies and shamelessly plug multiple companies in the process.

Do the Hustle

Well, the C-Bags are at it again. I know this may shock a few but the Conservatives are deflecting an issue against them. This time it is their budget. As I stated earlier, there are holes in the Conservative parties budget which led to their independent economist to walk away from his endorsement of the parties budget. Now the Conservatives are asking for the Liberals to put their budget up for independent verification. The funny thing is, they have had their budget verified and certified by a group of 15 financial specialists and professional economists. The next funniest thing is the fact that they are really crowing about $700 million in additional spending that the Liberals introduced since the red book was launched. $700 million over 5 years. 70 billion pennies over the next 1826 days. Yeah, that's better. This amount will look scarier to people. The Liberals have only $61 Billion in cuts/spending increases over the next 5 years. They still have a lot of room to move in spending measures to help out Canada. They also have some room in case the economy goes into a bullish market and we need a bit of cash.

By This Axe I Rule!!!-I am lazy so I am changing the rules.

Okay, if I try to critique the Conservative platform, I will be here until the next federal election so I will only browse the book and give rebuttals to random topics of "change".

"Toughen the Lobbyists Registration Act
Under the Liberals, lobbying government – often by friends and associates of Paul Martin and other Liberal ministers – has become a multi-million dollar industry. Senior Liberals move freely back and forth between elected and non-elected government posts and the world of lobbying. Liberal lobbyists have accepted success or contingency fee arrangements where they don’t get paid unless they deliver the policy change their clients want."
(Source:Conservative Party Platform 2006)

First of all, my previous post stated that the role of the Members of Parliament is to represent the people of their constituency. Also, a lot of people who vote for their party, also contribute...so that means that if a MP votes for something that would benefit their riding, they could be booted out of office. The Conservatives would place a 5 year ban on any Member of Parliament from working as a lobbyist. So if your life is politics, you cannot become involved in any role in politics for 5 years. I say this because the definition of lobbyist is as follows:
"A group of persons engaged in trying to influence legislators or other public officials in favor of a specific cause"
If your cause is say....getting a political party in power.....then you cannot work for them for 5 years. Also, say a disaster hits BC and there is flooding in the BC interior, a former Prime Minister who was loved by the country could not appeal to the government to obtain more money for disaster relief.
Next is to ban success or contingency fee arrangements. Now, if I pay for something, I want to make sure that it will do what I want it to do. If I am getting my house built, I am not going to give the contractor all of my money and hope he gets it done. NO, I would pay him parts of the total amount until I am satisfied that the job would be done. Also, if you hired a hit man, would you pay him all of the money with his word that he would kill the mark. NO, who the hell would trust a man without morals to do a job without some sense of certainty that it would be done right. (Again I am aware of the irony between my hit man statement and the Conservative party)

The Blue Book is a good book....for me to poop on!!!

Now it is time for everyone's favorite game: Rehash a mildy amusing quote from several years ago and use it to poke holes in the Conservatives platform. YAY!!!!!
Settle down everyone. We will start off at the top of the list...as opposed to a random sentence 2/3 of the way down the list...ummmm, anyways we are going to start of with Accountability and Reforming the Financing of Federal political Parties:

"Under the Liberals, money and influence have played far too large a role in Canadian politics. During the sponsorship inquiry, Canadians learned of envelopes full of cash being used to fund Liberal Party campaigns, and of money from government contracts being funneled back to the Liberals. The "pay to play"” years in Liberal Ottawa must come to an end.
The plan
A Conservative government will:
-• Limit individual donations to parties or candidates to a maximum of $1,000.
-• Prohibit all corporate, union, and organization donations to political parties, ridings, and candidates.
- Ban cash donations to political parties or candidates of more than $20.
-• Extend to ten years the period for which Elections Act violations can be investigated and prosecuted."
(Source:Conservative Party Election Platform 2006)

First things first, envelopes full of money are far too bulky and would be very akward to carry around without suspicion. The Liberals used cheques. They are a lot smaller and you can give larger amounts of money to people without hearing the question "is that an envelope full of money in your pocket or are you just happy to see me". Secondly, I thought the role of the Member of Parliament was to represent their riding and get as much support from Ottawa as you can. Now I am not condoning what happened, but if they dispersed the money to all Liberal ridings, there wouldn't be as much of an issue but I guess the PM's riding would take preference.

Now down to the Conservatives:
1-The Conservatives have obtained a lot larger sums of money above $1000 in the 2002 federal election and when the Liberal Party called for Mr. Harpers list of contributors, Steve-o only gave 54 of the 64 financial contributors who spent over $1075 for his campaign. Now the missing 10 people contributed over $40,000 to that campaign. Now, I do not know how that broke down but even on average, that is $4000 per person, but that is pretty infeasible to see happening. Harper got some big donations from people who, either the Conservatives or the donors, do not want to be known that they support the party that is so on the right, you can see China.(And yes I am aware of the irony of China being an extreme left wing state.)
2-The Conservatives are a big business party, The PC's were, The Reform were, The Alliance were, so what makes the new Conservatives special. They can lie through their teeth and get away with it by quoting Gomry!, Gomry!, Gomry!!!
3-Banning cash donations of more than $20 is completely ridiculous. As I stated earlier, cheques allow you to give larger sums of money without having embarrassing bulges in your pocket.
4-Legally, the longest you have to keep financial records is 5 years. If you try to investigate something from 9 years ago, the people have probably shredded the files legally and you won't be getting much information about it. Also, if they did try to get that passed, the provinces would use the not-withstanding clause just so they don't have to use Nunavut as a place to store documents.

That is just section 1 of the first page of the blue book. If I can tear apart the first section of the book completely, then I WILL be getting carpal-tunnel syndrome by the time I am done with this book.

1+1=Fuck over Canada 2:Electric Boogaloo

To follow up on my previous post, I forgot to mention and add in their health care and "fiscal imbalance" expenditures. These are the only 2 parts of the Conservative party's platform that has not been allocated for funding and would also add to the tearing of the cavity known as the social safety net.

Also, in a related story, the Conservatives economist that verified the blue books economic structure, Paul Darby, Deputy Chief Economist of the Conference Board of Canada, has backed out on his support because of the health care and "fiscal imbalance" expenditures that were not given to him when he did the report. I personally believe that it was my post last night that scared him into backing out as I cracked the Conservative scam that they were trying to do.

The official score in this election:
Milan: 1
Conservatives: 0

1+1=Fuck over Canada

I got bored earlier today and decided to look at the Conservative website and in particular their budget. Now, I do not yet have a Political Sciences/Economics degree but judging by the numbers on their website, they are going to cut over $22 billion in order to pay for their rich mans tax cuts. The one thing that they do not say is where they are going to cut in order to pay for their rich mans payments.

Table 3: Costing of Stand up for Canada

2006-07 to 2010-11

Five-Year Cumulative Cost ($ million)

Base case five year surplus $83,400
Tax Relief -44,905
Spending Plans -30,063
Debt Repayment -15,000
Reallocations 6,800
Moderating Spending on grants and
contributions and in government departments
and agencies 22,500

Unallocated Surplus $22,732

(Source:Conservative party 2006 election platform)

Now I am a Liberal and proud of it. I was also a card-carrying member of the Reform/Canadian Alliance party but got scared off by the extreme right-wing nut-jobbery that they were spewing out. So what I have read and saw is that the Conservative party does not know how to balance their budget and threw in a random $22 billion in government expenditure cuts in order to pay for this crap. Wow, they suck quite badly

The Beginning of the End!?!

It has taken quite some time but I have finally succumbed to the power of the blog. I will be posting my rants and the occasional praise of anything that interests me.